Posts Tagged ‘Ritz Carlton’

Aqua Velva + Public Transport + Ritz = Mathew

Monday, September 21st, 2009

Mathew Award

Lord, this is just sad and boring, but worthy of a chuckle nonetheless.  You’d think he was being nominated for an Oscar by the sound of it.

Mathew, we’ve seen your facebragging work before.   What organization could possibly be so desperate as to nominate YOU for Man of the Year?  Are we talking about ACORN here?  Wtf?

Regardless, hopefully you had fun at the Ritz, drinking your “shampane” and trying to figure out which fork goes with what. I’m imagining a Pretty Woman moment with you at such a nice hotel…except probably a bit more out of place than Julia Roberts. Even a hooker at the Regent Beverly Wilshire would seem more natural than  you at the Ritz.

Congrats again, douchebrag.  Hope you didn’t steal any of the silverware.

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Posted in I'm amazing!, Look at me! | 1 Comment »

Excuse me, did you know I have money?

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Katie

Katie, it’s August.  Your vacations start in November.  Why on earth does anyone care to hear about this shit right now, in the ball sweat heat of summer?  Countdowns are allowed to start a few weeks out, not a few months.  That’s the rule…I just made up.

Also, people who actually belong at the Ritz take great pains not to say the word every other breath.  Those going with lottery winnings or on someone else’s dime, however, let you know every chance they get (see above).  This is similar to how lame ass New Yorkers drop in “I’m going to the Hamptons this weekend” at least 5-12 times before their trip…you know, just so you know where they’ll be.  Ugh.

Katie trying to figure out how to operate a book

Katie trying to figure out how to operate a book

If you have to talk about it that much…you’re trying too hard. Capice?

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Posted in I'm just so busy, Richer than God | 1 Comment »

Bet you can’t guess where I live!!!

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Said Sobe

In case you hadn’t noticed, young Said has recently moved to South Beach it seems.  He would have us believe he’s some sort of high roller, making bank by day and living the life by night.

According to his friend, however, Said is “a front desk clerk at one of the million hotels down there.”  Awww, that’s cute.  Now upgrade me to a suite before I have to tell the manager you were a dick.  And don’t scuff my suitcases on the way upstairs.  Oh, and I take my breakfast at 8am sharp.  Two eggs over easy, english muffin, and some bacon crispy, but not too crispy.  Don’t make me send it back.

I think I’ll just let the picture and his dimwitted utterances carry you away to a land where people like this aren’t allowed to vote, drive, or have facebook profiles.

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Posted in Wish you were here | 2 Comments »