Archive for the ‘I hang with not unfamous people’ Category

First International Facebrag: Israel

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Enon Hebrew

Finally…a facebrag from somewhere other than the United States! This came from a reader in Israel, and I’ll have to admit I don’t have a clue what it says.  Thankfully he/she (you can never tell with those names) was nice enough to translate for us, so I have to assume it’s accurate.  If not, oh well.

Can’t comment on it much, but at least it’s nice to see that Americans aren’t the only ones who facebrag.  Hopefully more of our international readers will send in their horror stories from around the world, too!  And, if you do, please translate them because, well, I can’t.

If you speak Hebrew, please feel free to add some color commentary.

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Douchebraggers: Losers in Disguise

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Drew Premier

Well, well, well.  Can’t be sure if this is the same Drew as before, but if it looks like a dickface, smells like a dickface, and brags like a dickface…

Then again, could also just be an unforunate name…

At any rate, GAWD.  Are you kidding me?  Is this for real?  There is nothing worse than lame fucks like this trying to claw their way out of meaningless obscurity by clinging to the coattails of people who’ve actually “made it” (note to reader: using the term “made it” very loosely re: Megan Fox…though “loose” is probably quite apt).

Drew, it’s surely a fluke or some benevolent act of charity you’re at this event.  Stop acting like you matter.  You don’t.  At all.  Period.

And trust me, Shia LaBeouf is the one who should be worried about sitting next to you, not vice versa.  From what I’ve read, pubic lice can jump.  And that’s just nasty.

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Drew is back! (FML)

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

Drew Gary Cole

I had assumed there was some sort of 24-hour, all-you-can-eat buffet that had been keeping Drew too busy to post status updates, but it looks like he’s back…much to the chagrin of pool-goers everywhere.

It’s blindingly obvious that Drew is a complete moron with the wit and intelligence of a turnip, but someone should inform him that entourage is actually a word…so it doesn’t have to be written “entourage” you dumbfuck.  And why does anyone alive care if Gary Cole…or any other star…can fly under the radar when wearing sunglasses?  WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I suppose next he’s going to tell us he co-starred with Gary Cole in Office Space because he knew someone who knew someone who delivered coffee to the set.

Drew Gary Cole

Then something about lunch with Miss Germany…then dolphins, then meeting a princess from Dubai…blah, blah, blah.

Drew,  you’re not interesting and meeting people who are doesn’t make you any less of the stellar loser you are.  Go grease yourself up continue hogging the sun from everyone else at the pool.

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Jameselex (douchebragafil citrate 25mg)

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

James Kravitz

WARNING:  THIS STATUS UPDATE MAY CAUSE VOMITING, DIZZINESS, OR AN UNCONTROLLABLE IMPULSE TO HURL YOURSELF FROM A WINDOW, MOVING VEHICLE, OR AIRPLANE.  WOMEN WHO ARE NURSING OR PREGNANT SHOULD NOT LOOK AT, SPEAK WITH, OR BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS JAMES.  YOUR BABY WILL DIE.

So I just got back from the Emergency Room,  and after 3 liters of IV solution I’m feeling much better.  Someone sent me this, and I started throwing up.  Everywhere.  I think there was blood in it, too.  And some of my soul.

His lame use of French and English is a tell-tale sign of someone painfully inept at both.  Speaking of, what’s French for “I’d rather peel my face with a paring knife than read James’ status updates”?

At this point, it’s best just to sit back and feel sorry for little (and I mean little) James.  I’ll admit, though, it’s awfully satisfying to publicly ridicule someone trying so hard to seem better than the pool of musty ass sweat he really is.

If you know James and see him again anytime soon, please give him a good facebrag this thump on the head for being the biggest piece of dick shit on the planet.  Ever.

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Nads in the elevator

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Debbie Nadler

God, this is just lame in a way that makes me sad and tired.  Here’s what Debbie’s friend had to say:

“1) Yeah, I had to google Jerry Nadler too.  Obvy, she thinks he is important.
2) Notice no one commented …because no one else knows who he is either.

(please do not use my name, and keep up the good work with the blog.  I love reading it – as do my friends. Is that a facebrag? That I said I have friends?)”

Ha, well, no worries.  All facebragthis.com submissions are kept 100% anonymous, so you’re always safe ratting out even your closest friends.  No, really, do so.  It’s fine.

As for Debbie, she’s clearly some low-life, possibly entry level government agent who gets a cheap thrill from brushing into 500 lb mounds of rotting flesh [read: NY Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D...shocker)].  It’s rumored he hasn’t seen his penis without the aid of a mirror since 1974.  I also heard little Timmy Johnson disappeared after climing into one of Rep. Nadler’s stomach folds to find a lost baseball and was never heard from again…or maybe he was eaten.  We will never know for sure.

jerry nadler

Rep. Nadler after eating little Timmy Johnson

Debbie, sharing an elevator with that man doesn’t make you cool.  It makes you unable to get a job anywhere better, like a sewage treatment plant or McDonald’s.  Stop acting like you matter when clearly you don’t.

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